My experiment with money

Maaz, who is now well passed  his 11th birthday, has been pestering me to give him regular pocket money. When I realized I could put it off no further, we mutually agreed upon Rs. 50 on the first Sunday of the month.
As soon as he got his first pocket money, he planned up how he was going to spend it and how much he would save up to buy the ear phones that he has been wanting for some time now ( we had agreed that this was going to come out of "his" money).
Soon enough he wanted to know how he could speed up the process of collecting money.
"Will you give me money, if I do household chores?" he asked one day.
Initially I was not sure what to say....would it be the right thing to do to reward him with money.....would that be bribing.....won't he get into the habit of doing things for others only if he was getting back something? On the other hand, in daily life, isn't this a natural phenomenon? Is it not usual for people to get paid back in cash or kind for atleast a part of the things that they do for others? So, would it be that wrong a thing, if I were to "pay" him for a few chores that he did? After all, he is working for it!!
Anyways, at that time I was not sure, so I just told him I'll answer that tomorrow. The next day I was still not sure!! But on the spur of the moment, I had an idea! I said " You do whatever work you want to do, sometimes I may ask you to do somethings, but YOU decide if you want to get 'paid ' for it or you'll do it Just like that!( he knows the fish story :) )
Now, he was confused!! Initially though he was happy, he said "Of course I'll take money".
 And that's what he did too....for the first few chores. And then just when I thought I made a bad decision, he surprised me one day by doing something just like that!
Later that day, I asked him how he was feeling about his decision. He just smiled and hugged me and said it felt nice, he was" happy".
I was happy, simply because, my son had on his own discovered the joy of giving. Somewhere I know he must have also realized that money, though a means of satisfaction,, is nowhere close to the joy experienced by doing things for others simply....for no return whatsoever...for doing just like that!!

The Chained Elephants

As my friend was passing by the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at    that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.  They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” My friend was amazed. These  animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Moral
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further.  Why shouldn’t we try it again?

Your attempt may fail, but never fail to make an attempt

&
CHOOSE not to accept the false boundaries and limitations created by the past.

I can decide!!

My daughter, Zoya, all of 8 yrs, had a major "crisis" in her life.!!

She is invited to one of her good friend's birthday party tmrw and at the very same time she has a class to attend which she has been waiting for and does not wish to miss. There is no way she can do both...she must choose one. So what does she do??

After the matter actually sunk in her head, and after she was through the initial stage of "If only's" ....she looked at me with great expectation and said " Mum, you decide, What should I do?! "

Ofcourse, I flatly refused to decide for her She soon realised that life can't be so easy...she would have to decide for herself..And I completely enjoyed myself just watching how her mind was constantly weighing the pros and cons of each situation. Infact, she was totally involved and engrossed. While eating she would blurt out one reason why she should go for the party and then while playing , comes back running to me with a fantastic reason of attending the class. This went on through most of the day.

To me , it meant that a child , not only is fully capable to make decisions , but in fact can get as engrossed in it as any adult....as long as the adult allows it to happen. It also shows how often, we are ready to pass the buck, just so that we do not have to leave our comfort zones. Yes, kids too can cling on and resist stepping into challenges, in order to avoid the struggle and frustration involved in it. Thats where the adult must resist the temptation to offer a helicopter ride to the top of the mountain.

It also made me grieve for the number of times that in my eagerness to help, I have ruined such golden opportunities to allow my child to grow and learn the art of decision making.

Well, a whole day passed by, without any decision being taken....but irrespective of what she decides to do, I am happy that I could now enjoy this state of uncomfortability...in my child and myself!!

Challenges keep you alive!!

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the water close to Japan has not held many fish for decades. 

So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to 

bring the fish. If the return trip took more time, the fish were not fresh. 

To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. 

Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish. 

And they did not like the taste of frozen fish. 

The frozen fish brought a lower price. So, fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. 

After a little thrashing around, they were

 tired, dull, and lost their fresh-fish taste. The fishing industry faced an impending crisis! 

But today, they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan. How did they manage? 

To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put     the fish in the tanks but with a small shark. 

The fish are challenged and hence are constantly on the move.                  The challenge they face keeps them alive and fresh! 

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired and dull? 

Basically in our lives, sharks are new challenges to keep us active. If you are steadily conquering challenges, you are happy. 

Your challenges keep you energized.  Don't create success and revel in it in a state of inertia. You have the resources, skills and abilities to make a difference. 

Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go! 

Self Importance V/s Self Esteem

One of the issues faced by this generation of parents is the feeling of ingratitude that some of us receive from our kids. Am sure, we have all heard this statement from mums n dads, " No matter, how much we do, it doesn"t seem enough" or " My child tells me, I am supposed to do these things for him/her" or somethings similar....which basically gives the feeling that children feel/think that its no big deal whatever parents are doing for them....simply because they deserve it.

In this context, I want to share a part of this book "The Anger Habit in Parenting "by Carl Semmelroth. It says here:

"Self Importance is made up of the persistent belief that others owe it to you to solve your problems. It grows from the belief that you deserved what was given to you.

Self Esteem is made up of the persistent beleif that you can find your own solutions to your problems. It grows from the belief that obstacles can be overcome.

In order to change children's self importance, we must change our own behaviour. First, we must get over our anger at their self important demands. Anger merely leaves self important children with the feeling that they have been cheated. They do feel that their parents owe them that. When their parents attack them, they react in a way that anyone would, who is owed something. Instead of being paid, they are attacked by their debtor. In other words, they act very much the same as their parents are acting- angrily."

Dig it up...

The other day, I was in one of my 'complaining' moods. Among a couple of other...no a few other things....I also complained to God ' Why can't my son be a little more caring, sensitive, etc etc. 

And as if to answer my question, a strange event took place. We were on our way from a restaurant to   an ice cream parlour, around 10 . 30 pm. My hubby n me both had our cars. Everyone piled into my hubby's car..since all the cousins wanted to be together, and I was left alone in my car. Before I even realised what happened, my son promptly got out of the car n joined me. I just shot him an enquiring look...knowing that he would like to be with the gang. His answer left me speechless...." Ma how could I let you drive alone at this time"!!

Sure enough....this incidents maybe make you wonder, think and above all marvel at God's ways of talking to us.

What they also do is make you reflect on your own parenting skills.....instead of always complaining of why can't he be like this, or more like that....can we catch them doing right, can we celebrate when we see glimpses of gold shining under a whole lot of muck n dirt. Coz the moment we do that, we are sure to see more such glimpses...and moreover that shifts our focus from the muck to the gold.

So what are you going to dig for today??

  Dig for muck, you get muck.....dig for gold, you get gold!!

When you thought no one was looking....

 

 

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING   (Written by a former child)

 

 A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could  always talk to and I learned to trust in  God.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you  give of  your time and money to help people who  had nothing  and I learned that those who have  something should  give to those who don't.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I  learned  we have to take care of what we are given.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how  you  handled your responsibilities, even when you  didn't  feel good and I learned that I would have  to be  responsible when I grow  up.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears  come  from your eyes and I learned that sometimes  things  hurt, but it's all right to  cry.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

  

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

 

 I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW WHO DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS AND THINK NO ONE EVER SEES.

 LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT.

 

 Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher or friend) influences the life of a child /person 

 How will you touch the life of someone today?  Just by sending this to someone else, you will probably make them at least think about their influence on others .