Self Importance V/s Self Esteem

One of the issues faced by this generation of parents is the feeling of ingratitude that some of us receive from our kids. Am sure, we have all heard this statement from mums n dads, " No matter, how much we do, it doesn"t seem enough" or " My child tells me, I am supposed to do these things for him/her" or somethings similar....which basically gives the feeling that children feel/think that its no big deal whatever parents are doing for them....simply because they deserve it.

In this context, I want to share a part of this book "The Anger Habit in Parenting "by Carl Semmelroth. It says here:

"Self Importance is made up of the persistent belief that others owe it to you to solve your problems. It grows from the belief that you deserved what was given to you.

Self Esteem is made up of the persistent beleif that you can find your own solutions to your problems. It grows from the belief that obstacles can be overcome.

In order to change children's self importance, we must change our own behaviour. First, we must get over our anger at their self important demands. Anger merely leaves self important children with the feeling that they have been cheated. They do feel that their parents owe them that. When their parents attack them, they react in a way that anyone would, who is owed something. Instead of being paid, they are attacked by their debtor. In other words, they act very much the same as their parents are acting- angrily."

Dig it up...

The other day, I was in one of my 'complaining' moods. Among a couple of other...no a few other things....I also complained to God ' Why can't my son be a little more caring, sensitive, etc etc. 

And as if to answer my question, a strange event took place. We were on our way from a restaurant to   an ice cream parlour, around 10 . 30 pm. My hubby n me both had our cars. Everyone piled into my hubby's car..since all the cousins wanted to be together, and I was left alone in my car. Before I even realised what happened, my son promptly got out of the car n joined me. I just shot him an enquiring look...knowing that he would like to be with the gang. His answer left me speechless...." Ma how could I let you drive alone at this time"!!

Sure enough....this incidents maybe make you wonder, think and above all marvel at God's ways of talking to us.

What they also do is make you reflect on your own parenting skills.....instead of always complaining of why can't he be like this, or more like that....can we catch them doing right, can we celebrate when we see glimpses of gold shining under a whole lot of muck n dirt. Coz the moment we do that, we are sure to see more such glimpses...and moreover that shifts our focus from the muck to the gold.

So what are you going to dig for today??

  Dig for muck, you get muck.....dig for gold, you get gold!!

When you thought no one was looking....

 

 

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING   (Written by a former child)

 

 A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could  always talk to and I learned to trust in  God.

 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you  give of  your time and money to help people who  had nothing  and I learned that those who have  something should  give to those who don't.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I  learned  we have to take care of what we are given.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how  you  handled your responsibilities, even when you  didn't  feel good and I learned that I would have  to be  responsible when I grow  up.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears  come  from your eyes and I learned that sometimes  things  hurt, but it's all right to  cry.

 

 When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

  

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

 

 I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW WHO DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS AND THINK NO ONE EVER SEES.

 LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT.

 

 Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher or friend) influences the life of a child /person 

 How will you touch the life of someone today?  Just by sending this to someone else, you will probably make them at least think about their influence on others .