Now I know!!

Have been exploring self esteem and related topics over the past few weeks.
As always, a few snapshots of the past flash before me , whenever I am on this journey of exploring. Sharing one of those mental pictures of my life.

I was about 15 yrs when my eldest sister came down from the US with her first born child. My niece was just about 18 mnths then...and it was her first visit to her 'nani's' place. Being the first grand child....the excitement of my family was but obvious. But the other side of the picture was that my niece was not aware that there can be more than 2 people staying in one house!! She was terrified to see so many people in a house...that too all of the wanting to carry her, coo chi coo her and dote on her.!! She would run behind her mum, not letting her out of her sight for even a second.

But surprisingly, within   a few days only, she seemed to develop a deep liking for me. I was not doing anything special, infact I don't even really remember what I really did. But I do remember that I didn't try to enforce myself on her...gave her time n space to come to me. And guess how I was rewarded?? I was the only privileged one who was allowed to change her diaper!! Everyone, including me was quite surprised. How come, this little one has developed such a bond with me. (You see,I had not shown/displayed any particular talent in this field until then. )

 But now I know!!

Children, as young as 18 months...probably younger, can sense respect, feel it, when adults around them respect their choices, their space... their individuality. Older children will show appreciation with words, younger than that with their actions, younger than that with their behaviour and even younger than that...by allowing you to do their most intimate tasks....like changing their nappies!!

So go ahead, give it a shot. Try showing respect to children...instead of demanding it....and experience the change. :))

This is my story...

 Most people will agree that school life was one of the most memorable moments of one's life.Yeah, I know, at that time it may not seem so, but looking back , more often than not, it brings a smile to our faces. Usually, we all have a couple of memories ...which we just cant forget. One such memory of mine is the day..or rather the day when my parents came to collect the report card. They got to hear one standard line from most of my teachers..."She can do much better" In other words, they had an image of a "better" Akeela...obviously totally ignoring the Akeela that was THERE in front of them. Which was rather sad because after some time, I just stopped trying to better myself. I thought that no matter how hard I try..I will never be able to "better" myself or rather live up to their image of me....which btw, was coming from the comparison that they kept making with my older sister. " Your sister is so intelligent, why can't you be like her?" and so on. Well, some were a bit more polite, didn't say it in as many words, but aren't our thoughts reflected in our actions?

Till today...this thought saddens me. Why was I not accepted for who I was? Why was it so important for me to better myself...worse still...be like someone else?? And the best part is that it was not that i was not a good student...I was just not as good as someone else, who happened to be my sister. If only they could accept me as being sometimes bright, sometimes stupid, sometimes lively and sometimes quiet, sometimes creative and sometimes boring., sometimes a leader and sometimes a follower.

And come to think of it...aren't most of us ( atleast those who are normal! ) sometimes this and sometimes that?? So where is the question of living up to your own image..let alone living upto someone else's?? If you cannot possibly remain the same being, as in your thoughts, feelings emotions , behaviour etc...how then can one have only one image? What will happen if we free ourselves of this whole one single image business?? Imagine the multitude of options available to you!! You can be intelligent, patient, uncaring sensitive, ruthless and a million other things. Just imagine the freedom in living without any fear of living up to an image that you have for yourself or that you THINK others have of you!!  In other words, you could have a million images!! Or better still you could be image - free!!

Well, sadly nothing much has changed. This week when I went to pick up the report cards of my kids...guess what...I got to hear the same phrase " He can do much better!! "

Like they say " Old habits, die hard!!! "