Some new words that my kids have added to my word bank include: Chillax Mom, Take a chill pill, Reelaax!!
Wonder what is it that can make them RElAX so easily.??
Wonder what is it that can make them RElAX so easily.??
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Understanding Positive Intentions.
A chord struck somewhere, as I was aimlessly switching channels today.
Seen that bike/scooter ad, which has this as its punchline message: "Kuch to baat hai ki, aajkal in nadaanon par gussa kam hi aata hai."
No , No...am not advocating for that product!! Rather just trying to explore what is it that is making that person less angry? Am quite convinced its something much more beyond the mechanism of the machine ( or whatever it is that is being advertised ! ) In my humble opinion, it is the ability to look beyond those 'irritating events '(can also be read as 'irritating people!!). It is the effort to look beyond the apparent behaviour ...to the possible reason for that behaviour. And while at it....to look for a possibly favourable reason from the point of view of the doer.
Aasaan basha mein jisse "Positive Intentions" kehte hain!!
Without going into how such type of thinking can have a positive impact on the apparent "criminal"....lets instead focus and see what it does to me as an individual who is at the receiving end of this attrocity!! When I ascribe a positive intention to someone's misbehaviours / misdeeds....what effect is it having on me?
The answer is quite simply put...It liberates Me !!
Somehow, almost miraculously I feel free. And this freedom allows you to not only think of creative ways to handle the misbehavior...but it also distances you from having any direct connection with the reason for that misbehavior.
Lets try it out!!
Think of any one's behavior that has bothered you in the recent past. Now , just for a minute think of what could be the possible intention for making him/her behave in that way. And wait...don't stop at the first response that you get! Keep at it ....keep digging into the reason and you will be surprised how you yourself will come up with a positive intention for that behavior.
And once you arrive at it, what effect is it having on you? Are you feeling lighter? Less disappointed? Less angry?
The fact is that as a rule, you can not do much do rectify / modify others behaviors. How then can we motivate others, especially children to move away from undesirable behaviors to more acceptable ones?
The best chance that we have is to come at a common platform and work from there. Once we come at the same level, we are able to see 'eye to eye' rather than 'high to eye.' and as such have a better chance of perceiving the incident from a different perspective...from the perspective of the doer. This automatically makes you more acceptable and worth listening to. Your tone,body language, choice of words, gestures etc will undergo a sea change...all of which will be factors that will give the doer some motivation, some reason to change the undesirable behavior.
To me, as a parent, that is probably our best bet when it comes to dealing with unacceptable behaviors.
So the next time your 7 yr old refused to come in from playing outside OR if your 3 year old refuses to share OR if your teenage daughter just cannot remember to call and inform if she is going to be home later than the scheduled time OR if its your maid who refuses to inform you before she decides to take a leave OR its any of the many people whose behavior distresses you.....try this formula. It works!!
Seen that bike/scooter ad, which has this as its punchline message: "Kuch to baat hai ki, aajkal in nadaanon par gussa kam hi aata hai."
No , No...am not advocating for that product!! Rather just trying to explore what is it that is making that person less angry? Am quite convinced its something much more beyond the mechanism of the machine ( or whatever it is that is being advertised ! ) In my humble opinion, it is the ability to look beyond those 'irritating events '(can also be read as 'irritating people!!). It is the effort to look beyond the apparent behaviour ...to the possible reason for that behaviour. And while at it....to look for a possibly favourable reason from the point of view of the doer.
Aasaan basha mein jisse "Positive Intentions" kehte hain!!
Without going into how such type of thinking can have a positive impact on the apparent "criminal"....lets instead focus and see what it does to me as an individual who is at the receiving end of this attrocity!! When I ascribe a positive intention to someone's misbehaviours / misdeeds....what effect is it having on me?
The answer is quite simply put...It liberates Me !!
Somehow, almost miraculously I feel free. And this freedom allows you to not only think of creative ways to handle the misbehavior...but it also distances you from having any direct connection with the reason for that misbehavior.
Lets try it out!!
Think of any one's behavior that has bothered you in the recent past. Now , just for a minute think of what could be the possible intention for making him/her behave in that way. And wait...don't stop at the first response that you get! Keep at it ....keep digging into the reason and you will be surprised how you yourself will come up with a positive intention for that behavior.
And once you arrive at it, what effect is it having on you? Are you feeling lighter? Less disappointed? Less angry?
The fact is that as a rule, you can not do much do rectify / modify others behaviors. How then can we motivate others, especially children to move away from undesirable behaviors to more acceptable ones?
The best chance that we have is to come at a common platform and work from there. Once we come at the same level, we are able to see 'eye to eye' rather than 'high to eye.' and as such have a better chance of perceiving the incident from a different perspective...from the perspective of the doer. This automatically makes you more acceptable and worth listening to. Your tone,body language, choice of words, gestures etc will undergo a sea change...all of which will be factors that will give the doer some motivation, some reason to change the undesirable behavior.
To me, as a parent, that is probably our best bet when it comes to dealing with unacceptable behaviors.
So the next time your 7 yr old refused to come in from playing outside OR if your 3 year old refuses to share OR if your teenage daughter just cannot remember to call and inform if she is going to be home later than the scheduled time OR if its your maid who refuses to inform you before she decides to take a leave OR its any of the many people whose behavior distresses you.....try this formula. It works!!
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