I start my article with one of my most memorable observation.
A few months back, I was forced to attend a wedding I really didn't want to attend. I hardly knew the hosts and I knew that would not be many with whom I could strike a conversation. But I gave in to the ' pressure' and got myself to go. Little did I know that this very dreadful outing would be one that I would remember for some time to come.
I had nothing better to do than to analyse the latest in fashion and dressing styles ( believe me, no other better place than a wedding for that purpose!!). Suddenly I noticed this very well dressed mum tagging along a little girl...no more than 5-6 yr old. Unlike any other child, this girl was dressed in very ' plain' clothes. Her accessories hardly matched her outfit. (She had these colorful bangles in both hands!!). I noticed the mum very happily moving around the crowd with her little one in tow. I couldn't help noticing the range of glances the mum n daughter were getting...ranging from a polite smile to utter horror!!. Over dinner, I overheard her telling someone that her daughter insisted on wearing her ' favourite' dress and 'favorite' bangles to her ' favourite' aunty's wedding!
I have no clue who that lady was....but she taught me an amazing lesson.
I can safely say that there must be hardly any adult who would not have heard ' you must respect your elders'....at some point in their childhood. (Ironically, there must be even fewer adults who have been able to resist saying this themselves!!) . But our concept of respect is so limited...do we truly understand what it encompasses? To me, that lady at the wedding depicted a rarely seen aspect of respect. She accepted her child totally....even if it meant dressing visibly inappropriately at a wedding.
It is this aspect of respect that most of the parents have a problem implementing. Very few parents would publicly scream, yell or disrespect their children in any way. And we think that by not doing so we are respecting our kids. Sure that is respect...but what is a more challenging is to respect their choices, their beliefs , their mood swings, their abilities...especially when these do not match with ours!!
The other day, I experienced this first hand. My 12 yr old had a chemistry test for which he refused to study. He was very sure he ' knows everything'. Nothing I said or did made any difference. He refused to even read the chapter. I admit it was due to the lack of a better alternative that I finally ( and grudgingly) gave in. I realized then how really challenging it can be to actually practice this. To accept the child is to trust the child. And to trust a child is to respect the child.
And the way I see it....that young 5-6 year old will not have much trouble reciprocating respect....in all aspects.......especially to her mum!!
